As I went to go back inside I paused and took in the night air. It felt still, calm and fresh. I could hear rustling in the bushes (I did not investigate), the noise of the traffic, the train passing along a nearby track and even a number of areoplanes. I felt present. Pushing all other thoughts and feelings aside, I wrapped my dressing gown around me and grabbed a glass jar I have been saving for an occasion such as this. I lit and gently placed a tea light inside and carried it to the table at the bottom of my garden. There I spent some time gazing into the sky, lit by the moon, streetlights and the odd star.
Submitting assignments always evokes feelings of both fear and excitement. The excitement and sense of achievement at having finally finished a piece of work, I found non of them easy, alongside the fear and self doubt, have I done enough to pass? Something about the dissertation felt different. Handing it in signaled the end (if I pass and graduate successfully in October), the end of a three year journey that has passed in a flash, the end of life as a student. There have been some aspects of being a student that I am going to miss; having the flexibility to take a day off from studying to enjoy the weather, making up for it in the evening. Part of me is worried about having to work from 8.45 to 5.20 with an hour for lunch.
Having said that, handing in the final piece of work also signals new opportunities. Our last group session was a few weeks ago now, during it we were asked about our hopes and dreams from here on out. I realised that this degree is really just the beginning, there are a lot of areas that interest me and that I would like to gain experience in. Looking at things from that perspective is quite exciting. This afternoon I visited my new place of work and the team I will be working with as of the end of June, it made it feel more real than the job offer I received a few months ago. For now though, I am finalising plans for my solo road trip around the South of England. Time for exploring new places, dusting off my camera, lots of reading and relaxing.
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